Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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