Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
