After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
