I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
