So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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