Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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