Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
