I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
