i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
