So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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