I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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