sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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