My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
