i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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