What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
