we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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