I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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