The maid of honor just puked.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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