I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
