I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
