Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
