It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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