I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
