I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
