this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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