It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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