i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
