Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
too bad you live with your parents still
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
