New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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