If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are we still banned from the library?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
