You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
