You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
