i love accidental penises.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Terrible idea I love it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
