so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
