We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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