i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
