They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
