Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
