go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
