every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
