how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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