Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
