so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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