3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
