Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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