At least make sure they are 18
Why
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You may now shotgun with the bride
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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