I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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