just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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