Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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