cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
