You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
