every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
