dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
