I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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