I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my moral compass just broke
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