i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
