I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
