he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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