the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
