WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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