I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
