my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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