We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need moral support for this bender
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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