I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
