That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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