so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
