I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
