IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
