You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
